I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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