Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
