You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
