I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
