What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
