Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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