I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
