i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
