my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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