You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
