You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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