She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
