1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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