I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
