I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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