I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
