ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
