Apparently you make a good broom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
