She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
