woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
