so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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