She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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