i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
