he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
