He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
