Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
