I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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