you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
two words...techno handjob
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
