Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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