Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
