Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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