don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
