i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize