D3 body, D1 cock
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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