He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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