He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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