I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
