I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
