goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
