You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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