I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
