Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
