I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
