happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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