the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
