Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
