You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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