ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
