I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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