thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
