i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
