last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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