called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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