I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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