The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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