you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
