it wasn't lemon gatorade
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
