its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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