If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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