You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
