Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
