I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
