Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm like, not good at living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize