just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
