So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
