They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
