I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
