I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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